Seeing success differently

Recently, I had a chance to take part in a forum organised by the Education Ministry. I was part of a panel that took questions from parents ranging from how to combat stress, how to deal with a child failing subjects and how does one choose a path that is successful.

It was quite lovely to share my ideas, my own experiences, both as a parent and an educator. But as I drove home that night, I thought hard about what could be at the heart of a parent’s anguish or stress about his child. And I decided, it boils down to being successful.

But what exactly is success in Singapore? It is loaded with assumptions on what a good life entails — in our context, it is often title (power of some sort) and money (displayed for others to see). If the two exist, success exists. This is why we feel doctors, lawyers, civil servants are successful. They tick these two key boxes.

I wished I had said something about that during our discussion because to me, that’s the heart of all our anxieties. I could have shared about my dog’s groomer, a young woman who runs a successful business and who is often fully booked. I stumbled upon her online and found her at the heart of an old HDB estate. Why are you here, I asked her. She explained that she was at a mall but she found that all her talent and hard work went into her landlord’s pockets. She needed a more affordable option and decided to move.

This young woman is skilful, she’s smart and she clearly enjoys her work. Would you have thought that success was having your child become a good dog groomer?

I could have shared the story of my car mechanic whom I equate with my doctor. If he tells me that my suspension is shot or the gears need changing, I just nod and reach for my wallet. It’s like my doctor saying I have a tumour — why would I argue with the one guy who knows what he’s doing?

Would you have thought that success was having your child become a car mechanic?

You know where this is going. If you look at all the folks in your life whose work makes your life run smoothly, you’ll find they have such a range of skills and abilities. I know I do — they are essential to me because I wouldn’t be able to do any of those things. The hairdresser, the air-con guy, the cook at your favourite eatery, and every faceless, nameless person behind all the apps I rely on — if you think about it, that list is pretty endless. So why is it that we have such a narrow definition of what makes someone successful?

I believe we are in one of the most transformative times in human history. And that the old way of thinking (the linear equation of “good schools”, straight As, university and a “good” job) is swiftly being replaced by something no one even knows what anymore. This sort of change demands us to look elsewhere, and open ourselves to all kinds of unknowns. For parents, it starts with the belief that every child can pursue the one thing that will add value to another human being. Or in my case, to my beloved little animal.